safechoice - how to help

What can you do?

Do you suspect that someone you know is in a battering relationship? Don't be afraid to offer help! You might save someone's life. Here are some basic steps you can take to assist someone who may be a target of domestic violence.

Identifying a Victim of Domestic Violence

There are many different signs that may cue you that someone is being abused. However, these signs are not always there or may be hard to identify.

visible physical injury:

• bruises, lacerations, burns, human bite marks, and fractures--especially on the facial area
• injuries during pregnancy, miscarriage, or premature births
• unexplained delay in seeking treatment for injuries
• multiple injuries in various stages of healing

illnesses:

• stress-related illnesses such as headaches, backaches, chronic pain, sleep disorders, eating disorders, and fatigue
• anxiety-related conditions such as heart palpitations, hyperventilation, and "panic attacks"
• depression, suicidal thoughts or attempts, and alcohol or drug problems

in the workplace:

• loss of productivity, chronic absenteeism or lateness, requests for excessive amounts of time off
• on-the-job harassment by abuser, either in person or over the phone
• poor employment history, or loss of employment

other problems:

• marital or family problems
• alcohol or drug problems
• mental health problems

If you notice any of these signs and suspect domestic violence, the best way to know for sure is to ASK. Use good judgment. Talk to the person in private and be ready to provide some helpful information (brochures, lists of warning signs and safety plans). Remember - there are no "quick fixes" when it comes to domestic violence. Let her proceed at her own pace. She knows what's best for her, as well as the safest ways to overcome her obstacles.

Approach her in an understanding, non-blaming way. Tell her she is not alone, that there are many women like her in the same kind of situation, and that it takes strength to survive and trust someone enough to talk about battering.

Acknowledge it is scary and difficult to talk about domestic violence. Tell her she doesn't deserve to be threatened, hit or beaten. Nothing she can do or say makes the abuser's violence OK.

Support her as a friend - Be a good listener. Encourage her to express her hurt and anger. Allow her to make her own decisions, even if it means she isn't ready to leave the abusive relationship.

Ask if she has suffered physical harm - Go with her to the hospital to check for injuries. Help her report the assault to the police, if she chooses to do so.

Provide information on help available in most states under abuse prevention laws. Go with her to district, probate, or superior court to get a protective order to prevent further harassment by the abuser. If you can't go, find someone who can.

Plan safe strategies for leaving an abusive relationship - Make a safety plan. However, never encourage someone to follow a safety plan that she believes will put her at further risk.